Every time someone around me or very close to me has a new baby, and there are problems with the labor or the baby, I go into a frenzy. Why? Ten months ago Saturday. That's the reason. His name is Rowen Daniel Rodgers. And that's when he was born...almost ten months ago, this Saturday. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through, and the most heart-breaking. Premature, under-developed, not breathing on his own, possible pneumonia...I could go on. Not to mention touching him only once and then not being able to hold him for days on end, only looking at him through the glass incubator, etc...BUT, it all had a happy ending and sometimes I even forget it happened. Many mothers don't walk away as lucky as we did. They walk away empty handed..not just for two weeks. So it's only when a new baby enters my life, do I REEEEEAAAAALLLLLY start reminiscing and worrying and pacing...all for a baby that isn't mine. I wonder if this will last forever???
So to anyone with a new baby, (my sweet friend Court), especially those who may be struggling or having a hard time with the baby's health...please forgive me when I am a spaz. And yes, it will happen...I will be a spaz. At least until I don't cringe still when I look at the pictures of my son hooked up to the machines and tubes (which is why I posted a pic of him AFTER the tubes). At least until that sadness no longer creeps in when I remember every night I had to leave him at the hospital and come home to an empty bassinet. At least until my heart mends completely and fully. And yes, that will happen, too......someday :).