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He was right in front of me. It was cold, and he was only a few inches from my face. I could almost feel his warm breath in my hair. And I knew it was coming, I could see it on his face. He was smiling and saying something I wasn't really paying attention to. And then he kissed me. Slow, so very slow. And soft. And it left me wanting to stay in his arms all night. And as we kissed and he wrapped his arms around me, everything was perfect....

But just as life goes, it wasn't always that perfect. It was shaky leading to that spectacular, first, hot kiss. I remember our second date, months prior. It started awesome.....but at the end of the night he asked about my last boyfriend. I told him we had broke up 6 weeks before, and that's when I saw it. His expression went from excitement & having a good time, to concern. I could've slapped my mouth as soon as the words came out. He told me he couldn't date me if I'd just been out of a relationship. He explained he was worried it wasn't enough time for me to grieve.  And I wanted to die. As he talked, I felt my heart drop lower & lower. He said he'd give me 3 months, and then maybe he'd call me. He said he'd date other people until then. I laughed and said of course! But my heart said otherwise. So I smiled, we hugged, I got in my car, and then I drove away.

And I cried all the way home.

Those months were sad, and confusing. I met men, dated, went out. I wrote him off. And honestly, when I went to sleep, and he appeared in my mind telling me that we couldn't be together, I'd shove him out of my head. Angrily. I'd kneel in prayer each night after dates with other guys, and his name would play over & over in my mind. His name would come up in different circles & I'd pretend I didn't care. 

It had been about 2 months- I had just returned to my apartment from jogging. I was sweating all over my floor, and getting ready for bed when my phone rang. I picked it up and saw the name. I must've stared at that screen for a full 10 seconds before I answered it. 
And we talked. And it was all over from there.

Now we have kids, bills, car problems, disagreements, tears, and a messy house. But we also have love. And laughter, and memories.
And why do I love him?
Let me let you in on why Dan is worth all this time it's taking me to write this....

He never forgets to open the door for me. He sings our children to sleep. It took 4 years before I had to get my own gas in any of our cars...he does it for me. He offers me his last bite. When 90210 is on, he sits next to me for an hour, and when Vampire Diaries plays, he tells me I'm prettier than Elena. After having Rowen, he told me my body was perfect. He runs me a hot bubble bath, & lights candles. Late at night when he thinks I'm sleeping he puts his arms around me. When I'm sad, he makes me smile. And when I don't want to, he lets me cry. When we were dating he'd drive 45 minutes to surprise me with a picnic on my lunch hour, spend endless money on my food fetish, let me drive when I wanted, kiss me when I begged him. When I tried to break up with him, he cried in my arms. He laughs at my jokes. Tells me I'm beautiful without make-up. Ignored phone calls from ex girlfriends. No matter how mad he gets when I beat him at SSX or Donkey Kong, he's still happy for my high scores. He surprises me with candy on my seat. Spends $200 on me, and $2 on himself. He lets me cut his hair & when I mess it up, he shrugs and hugs me. He makes me dinner at 1230 in the morning, and lets me sleep in. Never takes his ring off. He runs his hand through my hair & kisses my cheek. He takes me in his arms when I think I'm losing my mind, and then he tells me I'm a great mother. He holds my hand & leans into me when we kneel in prayer, even though I know it's uncomfortable. When I have guilt he laughs and kisses my lips. He tells our daughter stories until she falls asleep. He holds our son in his arms when he has a fever. Never raises his voice to me. When I've cried all day he texts me extra to tell me he believes in me. He accepts me and my past. He forgives me.
He loves me.

Will he ever know how much I adore him? No. Will he sometimes wonder if I love him at all? I'm sure of it. But I swear if I could cut open my heart and show him all the love I feel for him, I would. And he'd never wonder again. But I can't. So I'll have to prove it every chance I get. Because he's worth it. 

He's so alive. He's kind and gentle, and a hothead and passionate. He truly is my reason for smiling when I feel lonely. When I feel sad and beaten. He is all of those things I named up there, and a million more. And the funny thing is, he doesn't have to be. But he is anyway. 
So, yes. He is beautiful. He's my angel, my knight, my prince. What did I do without him? Is he really mine? He makes my life lovely. It's our fairy tale, you know.

Our sweet, sweet fairy tale.
 
It may not be perfect.....

But boy, he makes it beautiful. ♥♥♥♥♥.

Auntie Shelly
12/5/2012 01:22:29 pm

yay!! Finally a happy story. :) Thank you for sharing Becky. So glad Dan was the one that you married...he's amazing for you...and you for him... I love you guys!

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Becky
12/5/2012 01:27:11 pm

Shelly, thank you! I love it when you post to these, it makes me feel good :) I have you to thank for reminding me sometimes not to be upset with him for something silly he's done, and telling me to love him & forgive him, and he's doing the best he can. Thx for being a great older sister. You've got yourself a good man, too. :)

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mirranda
12/5/2012 01:35:15 pm

Awww this is a good one!!! I have always said that you and Dan are ment for each other and I mean it!!! You to are literally a match made on heaven. I love your family and its great that he treats you how you need to be treated!! With love and respect! And I would call his exes and tell them some bad words wahhahahh

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Andrew
12/5/2012 01:35:45 pm

The beginning sounded like a paragraph straight out of a twilight novel.

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Hubby
12/5/2012 05:17:05 pm

I never kissed girls so early on until Becky - always took me months to get to that point. There was just something about her that just made me loose my good judgement. Now, to set the record straight, she lets me sleep in at least 3 or 4 times to every time I let her do so. She is amazing with the kids, which is quite a relief since I'm maybe a lot of fun w/ them, but not much good about safety or remembering to feed them and stuff. And sometimes I forget I'm wathcing them.

After reading this blog, can there be any doubt that I married way above me? I am realizing more and more how much I lucked out getting such an amazing girl. Sorry guys, you snooze, you looze, she's already taken. (And I'm in pretty good health. Your best bet is to murder me and make it look like an accident, then come in to "comfort" the grieving widow. Just thought I'd help you out.)

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Jenifer S.
12/5/2012 05:19:23 pm

Ah, how well I remember the angst from you both in those early days and the joy when things finally worked out right.

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12/6/2012 11:45:06 pm

WOW! This was wonderful and powerful. You are a great writter.

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