Have you ever accidentally hit a kid in the face? Yea, sounds mean. But I have....yesterday to be exact...and it was an accident. And it broke my heart. You see, I didn't see him coming around to my side and I swung my arm back and hit him right smack in the face. My little nephew Jake. Now for those of you who know little Jake, know he doesn't easily cry when wrestling, playing, etc.. Everyone knows that. So when it first happened, I put my arms around him and hugged him, expecting him to lift his head and smile. Instead, he cried. Cried in a way that told me he was hurt. I felt a sting of pain in my gut and my heart crumbled. And I cried. It was the way he sobbed silently in my arms. It was the way I knew it must've really hurt his little face to be slapped like that out of nowhere. So we both cried, and after a short moment, he walked over to his mom where she lovingly whispered to him, and I walked to my chair and wiped off my face, feeling guilty and sad.
Now, I have to add something. I am not a big cryer when it comes to things like this. Kids get hurt all of the time. But, when I first came home off my mission, I moved in with my sister Shelly, and her family, and became their nanny. It was such a happy time for me. I got to know my 18 month old nephew Aiden, and I was there when Jake was born. I mean I was actually there when he was born- first one to see his little head crowning and everything. Anyway, I was a huge part of their lives. But then the inevitable, black, dreary day came. The day I got married and moved out. I remember packing my things, walking out into the living room, and preparing to say goodbye to this family. This family that I had fallen in love with. And there they were. Both boys. I remember pulling them into my arms and I couldn't stop crying. They didn't fully get it, of course, but I did. I knew it wasn't just a chapter of my life being closed. It was a chapter of their lives that I would never get back again. They'd get older, grow up, change...just like we all do. And I'd never have that moment with them again. I also remember telling my sister that I was afraid I'd not love my future kids as much as I loved her own. That's how much I loved them.
So, no. I am not the typical girl that cries constantly over things like this. But seeing Jake there, crying, because of something I'd done, accident or not, broke my heart. Will he think his aunt is a total spaz? Probably. Will he look back and think I cry over everything? Most likely. Will he wish it never happened because he's embarrassed? Absoltuely......poor kid. But one day, when he's older, maybe he'll have a nanny living there with he and his beautiful family. An emotional sister or niece, watching over his kids, dreading the day she too will have to say goodbye to his children she's grown to love. And maybe, hopefully, he'll remember me with fondness, and think of the times we spent together. Hopefully he'll have forgotten the day I accidentally hit him in the face and then cried like a baby. But if he remembers, that's okay too. Maybe someday when I'm old and sad, he'll hold me when I cry. And I'll tell him how much his parents loved him.
And how much his aunt did, too.
Now, I have to add something. I am not a big cryer when it comes to things like this. Kids get hurt all of the time. But, when I first came home off my mission, I moved in with my sister Shelly, and her family, and became their nanny. It was such a happy time for me. I got to know my 18 month old nephew Aiden, and I was there when Jake was born. I mean I was actually there when he was born- first one to see his little head crowning and everything. Anyway, I was a huge part of their lives. But then the inevitable, black, dreary day came. The day I got married and moved out. I remember packing my things, walking out into the living room, and preparing to say goodbye to this family. This family that I had fallen in love with. And there they were. Both boys. I remember pulling them into my arms and I couldn't stop crying. They didn't fully get it, of course, but I did. I knew it wasn't just a chapter of my life being closed. It was a chapter of their lives that I would never get back again. They'd get older, grow up, change...just like we all do. And I'd never have that moment with them again. I also remember telling my sister that I was afraid I'd not love my future kids as much as I loved her own. That's how much I loved them.
So, no. I am not the typical girl that cries constantly over things like this. But seeing Jake there, crying, because of something I'd done, accident or not, broke my heart. Will he think his aunt is a total spaz? Probably. Will he look back and think I cry over everything? Most likely. Will he wish it never happened because he's embarrassed? Absoltuely......poor kid. But one day, when he's older, maybe he'll have a nanny living there with he and his beautiful family. An emotional sister or niece, watching over his kids, dreading the day she too will have to say goodbye to his children she's grown to love. And maybe, hopefully, he'll remember me with fondness, and think of the times we spent together. Hopefully he'll have forgotten the day I accidentally hit him in the face and then cried like a baby. But if he remembers, that's okay too. Maybe someday when I'm old and sad, he'll hold me when I cry. And I'll tell him how much his parents loved him.
And how much his aunt did, too.
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