But it wasn't until tonight that it really hit me. If it had been a few more seconds, we could possibly be sitting in a hospital, or surrounded by friends and family in quick embraces as they cry and tell me how sorry they are for our loss. Now, it may sound over the top. I may be exaggerating slightly at "what could have happened". But that's what I do. Sometimes I lay in bed and think of all of the horrible things that can happen and I practically have a panic attack. Have you ever done that? Yeah, it's a bummer. Tonight I had to say a prayer to ease my mind and think of happy thoughts. It was almost overwhelming, the thought.
So there I was tonight, holding this baby boy in my arms, and wondering what I must've done to please the Lord enough for him to tap me on my shoulder today and remind me to check Rowen. It was kind of a spiritual, deep moment for me. Different things going through my head, looking at things in a different light. I am sure it won't be the last time I have that little thought or inspiration pushing me to check my children when I've been not so smart. But if something did happen, if tragedy did strike, and for some reason our hearts were left broken, I cannot ever say we weren't blessed. We will have had wonderful, amazing lives with these kids.
And not even my anxiety can take that away.