Another little baby gone. Why do I sit here, with my heart in my hands, and so close to tears.....

It wasn't my child. I didn't spend the last six months with him, waiting for results, shedding tears, and going home empty-handed each night while a nurse takes over watching him breathe as she takes notes.

But I'm sure his mother did. 

And I'm sure her heart is broken. I'm sure she's somewhere crying in a quiet room, wishing with her whole devastated heart that her son were in her arms.

But he's not. 

He's in Someone else's arms. Someone with a greater plan, and a greater love, than we can imagine. And I cling to that. I desperately cling to that knowledge. 

I don't know why this affects me so much- It's frustrating, irritating, and sad. People walk by me, they go to work, they laugh. And here I am, thinking of this family, and of this precious little baby boy. Part of me wants to stop the clock, as if a moment of silence should be heard... for this little baby who is gone. 
But that isn't real life. That doesn't happen. 
What does happen, is a day will go by, a week, a month, and eventually years. And little by little, hearts will mend. The best they can, anyway. 

It's just the beginning for this little guy. We can't begin to imagine the beautiful things he is seeing right now. His body relieved of pain and anguish, his tears now swallowed up by a pure love of God. It can't get more beautiful than that, can it?

You can't tell his mother it'll be okay. Not right now. Because it's not. 

But in time, one day, it will be. 

And that day will be amazing.
 

Echo
11/1/2012 03:04:30 pm

Gee, Beck...I agree with you. Once again you've made me cry with your words. Such a terribly sad picture, and yet beautiful.

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Becky
11/1/2012 03:16:40 pm

Echo, you are so supportive. I love your comments and your thoughts, you're just so real and so sweet. You are such a good mommy!!! I love you so much.

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E.J's dad
11/1/2012 03:43:40 pm

very nice, im gonna tell his mom about your blog.... thanks

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Becky
11/2/2012 12:20:24 am

You two are amazing. And so is little E.J. I fell in love with your son from across many miles. My heart broke right along with yours. Again, I am sorry. I just love your little family. Our prayers are with you XOXO.

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Mirranda
11/1/2012 04:16:17 pm

Becky.... you really are an amazing writer.. you touched the bottom of my heart so deeply with your words.. thanks so much for shareing your blog... I really miss your family Emma and Little rowey... I really need to come see u guys... hold emmybooo and rowey ( even if he crys lol) to remember how blessed we are to have them in our lifes ... love uu keep bloggingg

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Becky
11/2/2012 11:55:33 am

Mirranda, you are so kind. This is the kind of post that I hate writing. It's sad, but I think the family needs to know how much everyone appreciated and loved that little boy. That we could get to know him while he was here was a huge blessing. :) Thx for your support little sister. I love you so much.

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Maria
11/2/2012 03:24:37 am

Beautiful

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Becky
11/2/2012 11:56:14 am

Thank you so much. Thank you for reading. He was a special baby.

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Monalisa
11/2/2012 09:19:54 am

Wow what amazing words. Thanks for sharing.

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Becky
11/2/2012 11:57:06 am

Thank you. It was good to share what I think so many people were feeling, you know?

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Elisa (E.J.'s Prayer Warrior)
11/2/2012 09:37:19 am

This is so beautiful!! :')

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Becky
11/2/2012 11:58:02 am

Thank you so much. I'm sure so many people are shedding tears too, for that special little family. I'm so glad we were able to get to know him just a bit while he was here XOXOXO.

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crystal
11/4/2012 02:04:38 am

So beautiful ...

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Becky
11/4/2012 02:12:39 am

Thank you Crystal. He sure sounded like a little angel. :)

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trina ( E.J's prayer warrior)
11/4/2012 02:08:23 am

Very beautiful becky...

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Becky
11/4/2012 02:13:38 am

Thank you so much! I'm sure every prayer you did for him helped. And I think he deserves a million blogs about him! :)

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